Wednesday, December 26, 2007

The Great American Death Ceremony

Now this passage is kind of funny, sort of. Or maybe it's not because it is about health and it is real. Well at least it makes a great statement about health and alternative medicine. This is one of those sayings that I saw on a friends refrigerator held on with a magnet the other day and I thought to repost it because hey, it's less writing sometimes:

The Great American Death Ceremony

The death ceremony began as a crude ritual back in the days of witchcraft. In recent years, it has developed into a science. It usually takes 10 to 15 years however, modern scientific advancements are shortening this period of time.

It starts with one simple headache. When the one aspirin will no longer cover up the headache, take two. After a few months, when two aspirin will no longer cover up the headache, you take one of the stronger compounds. By this time it becomes necessary to take something for the ulcers which have been caused by the aspirin. Now that you are taking two medicines, you have a good start. After a few months these medications will disrupt your liver function. If a good infection develops you can take come penicillin. Of course the penicillin will damage your red blood corpuscles and spleen so that you develop anemia. By this time all of these medication will put such a strain on your kidneys they should break down. It is now time to take some antibiotics. When these destroy your natural resistance to disease, you can expect a general flair up in all your systems. The next step is to cover up all of these symptoms with sulfa drugs. When the kidney finally plug up you can have them drained. Some poisons will build up in your system but you an keep going quite a while this way.

By now the medications will be so confused they won't know what they are supposed to be doing, but it doesn't really matter. If you have followed every step as directed you can now make an appointment with your undertaker.

This game is played by practically all Americans except for a few ignorant souls who follow nature.

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